A Fatigued Sky.

My eyes ache.
Everything else even more.
I almost forget what pain is.

Sensations.

Is all rational?

In the pit he was weeping in a pool of his own blood, alive until he could feel every ounce of life lost from him. He thought his brain was being dissected, every neuron, every past connection established between reality, knowledge and truth was in a pain unbearable to him. The feeling was at the epitome of tragedy and yet there was a beauty found in this despair, the sole reason being he could feel it.

He was beyond human. He was more human than any human ever was.

All he could muster for now was the memory of what he was thinking a day back. That in itself, could fill a book. In his study, while he had a smoke last night, this was his line of thought. He firmly believed everything that happens to a person, the sensations, why and how of it should be understood. If, in a situation, one is not clearly aware of what is happening, the window of hopelessness begins to appear. Hope is needed when one cannot understand, and when one cannot understand, one cannot act accordingly. Since there is no universal truth, hope is universal. It is a property of the universe which arose from the void created by rationality. 

Often times, it is merely speculation that gets us through the day. A combination of blind belief with a tinge of reason. It is like a dish incompletely cooked, but serves the purpose of providing us with sufficient nutrients to salvage our stomach. And this, ONLY this is enough for someone so sensitive to over analyze things, people,memories,events to its grave and carry a weight which is almost unbearable in it's nature to even exist.
What is the purpose of living if not to understand living itself? Give me a hundred lifetimes, with the nature of our consciousness, the result will still be the same. That we are trapped in our own minds, so convoluted that self deception becomes synonymous with redemption itself.

There is no way out except death. Death is the purest form of escape, even though cowardly. But to choose being a coward requires a certain amount of courage and stupidity which has to co-exist in the right amount to just self-immolate. Nothing is never what it seems.


Is all rational?

Being.

He got back from his work and collapsed on to his couch. The way he fell on the couch seemed like he thought it was the entrance to the pit of freedom after all. The pit of non-existence. A death so severe and painful that no living object, place,animal or person can make him feel that way. 

As he gathered his thoughts, and balancing on his ass for that matter, he realized he did not have them in plural except for the thought counting as his realization.

"Being Human. Stop."

This collective metaphysical phrase repeated throughout his brain, body and soul and was making him to want to stop it all. The noise. The conflict. The despair. The impermanence.The freedom to choose. What is ever defined appropriately in life? Except for the fact that you will one day die. Your mortality has been chosen for you, the one thing you cannot chose and have no control over. Or is it? Is control ever possible on anything?

The question that remains to be answered is this : Is dying worth trying your life on? Some people have a filter, a processing unit called "Intellectual Deception" in their minds. The instant I realize I want to deceive, or when I am in the process of deceiving, I can easily stop it. But, what if the only way you want to think is self-deception? Then where is truth, lies, good or bad? Where does that leave any room for something to be understood?

Once, a creative teacher had said "The questions remain the same, only the answers keep changing". The problem is questions remain. The answers come and go.

The only real answer is to this question-

Question: Will you one day die?

Answer: Yes.

From this singular concept of death, there arises a billion questions about life and its premises, context, meaning and structure. But life is not a mathematical problem, it only has a metamathematical solution.

Pure.

The trail had left him dry,
his memory of her smile
which, never a rarity lent
an intense sign of right

She brushed the roses bought ages ago
the scent reminding of his will
which, wavered a bit
when her head turned and senses lost
tossed his mind across.

The Unbearable Heaviness of Being

Heaviness: my freedom to be is now a bane.

He looks up at the sky and smiles, with his eye full of questions he presses the button and his jet pack starts working. Within a few minutes he is off earth, into the stars of enigma.

Back down at his house, she is forlorn and miserable. She kills him and buries self and him as deep as possible.

There is nothing like a nightmare come true. 

Random.

The vast ocean of waves are calling, the sea gulls seem to be whispering to each other of a new arrival.
A broken man then walks from the shore to the depths of nothingness from which he came.

Mr.Sock - Which Leg Do You Want?

He holds on to empathy, like it is a part of his body. But it is! The confusion created by a group of people trying hard to socialize is too overbearing for him. Such was the character of Mr. Sock. 

Once Mr. Sock had gone to a house-warming ceremony. Do you know what he got for his friends who had invited him? A shoe cleaner. So with his ideas either being too stupid or too abstract for people to make a mental note and notice, he suffered in private in his own agony of irrationality of people around him.

This was one such another great get together, in which he had forcefully put forth is creativity ( all for nothing). But he had lied to himself, he loved creativity too much to even compare it to the reality of feelings toward any human being. He often wondered whether the girl he liked actually believed he existed or that he existed himself.

When he pointed this observation to her in his mind, she then had said  "That is not possible".

He had just replied back with a wide smile, a grin reaching to the edges of his eyes, those edges which had never seen the light of day. He was done for. All it took often to believe in the woman he loved, was a smile. That simplest and the most difficult of expressions to fake. The lightest twitch, the twisted look and the elegant truth of the lie.

Then his mind reeled, his memory of the present faded, but his past came swooping on to him.

At a cabin near the shore, the cat had once said to him that he would live on forever.

"So you inspire people? I heard that Mr. Katk - the king of all cats was totally taken by you. I personally, do not see much in humans. They are all stupid, a bunch of caricatures of God himself. Although I do oversimplify my beliefs for the ease of certainty, my God is a four letter thing - Milk!"

"Eh" I had said.

"There you go, you just proved my point. Don't you every learn grammar and language structure back in the human world? I mean, come on. I meow because I should meow. It has evolutionary reasons. Now, why would you go on and say things like - Eh, Meh, Heh. What the fuck in milk's name does it mean?!"

"You digress from your story telling" I said.

" Yes yes, I just love doing that to people, it is all the more funnier from my side" said Mr. Cling.