A long day on the top of a mountain of dizzying heights is exhausting.I pack up my 15 liter backpack which contained a pen, a bunch of papers and typewriter and a pack of Marlboro Black among other necessary paraphernalia and start to head back to the base. I invent necessity as I go along, it may not be rationally justifiable to the external world, but to me they exist as much as I do.
Just three days ago, I decided that I would climb the 5000m high Mt.Clan, here I was returning back already. Sometimes spontaneous goals are the best way to estimate one's abilities. Spontaneous goals? A goal can never be spontaneous,however it can be dynamically evolving.
When I lit my cigarette, a few hours back and watched the sun sink into the horizon of mystery and elegance I realized I had nothing to look forward to once the moment I was in ended. That is one of the worst situations one could possibly be. Saying things like "I am bored", " I have nothing to do" are redundant phrases of the clinical pessimist who does not stray past his principles of applying pessimism. And I applied it to everything, everywhere and all the time. Mind you, this only made me a sensitive thinker to optimism, sometimes a false hope is all you need to generate true faith in yourself.
I have no hope, because I do not care to. I do not need it, as it fatigues me to the point of desperation.
" Sir, this is not the right time for you to go up there, it is chilly and windy, the wind could sweep you away any time it arrives", the local Sherpa Mr. Hazari Cucko had said before I started the climb.
Thinking back to the conversation I had with him-
" Maybe I am willing to take that risk, because I have nothing to do. I am not doing it because I know I can, or I hope I can but only because I have nothing else to do. It does matter that I end up doing this, for the simple reason that I intend to do this aside from the consequences" I said.
"If you wait for a couple of days I could come along with you and guide you to the fastest possible path to the top" Hazari said.
"I intend to do this now Hazari, If I do not do it now I will lose the sincerity of this moment of purpose and the intent is lost to the abyss of my ever increasing failures, I need to go up there and write of what I see and what I imagine. Only that would give me some sort of respite from the recent loss that I suffered." I said this with a sense of despair that only I could feel and not put in the apt form of expression.
Hazari realized that it was important to me that I go on ahead without him, I was surprised at his astute judgment of my stubbornness.
" Allright, go on" declared Hazari.
I had only stopped by his beautifully thatched house, to let him know that I was going to do it, as he had often told me about the treacherousness of the path up to the peak. I was not aware exactly why I needed to tell him. Like all my actions, I usually reflect and deeply introspect only after I have performed the action. I accept this and move on, climb on.
So I started my journey up, there was a narrow path leading up, which broadened after 1000ft into a vast platform of rocks covered with snow, except that this area was known for bears. Yes, bears. A cave could be seen to the North-East corner of this part, where sounds of pain were often heard in the middle of the night.
And then..
